After a two hour drive to Oscar’s pediatrician appointment Mee-mah and I had a quick visit in the food court of a shopping centre with my brother, his wife and their four children (Nephew 6, Niece 4, Niece 21 months, Nephew 5 months).
That’s right folks, if my family is good at anything it’s breeding. I’m just waiting for my baby sister to grow up and top us all. She’s 6 years younger than me, and she’ll probably end up having triplets just because she does things better than us mere mortals. But not until she’s finished uni, bought a house and had a career first. I believe thats how she’ll do it, because that’s how she told me it would happen. If she says that’s how she’ll do things, that’s how she does them.
But yes, 7 kids, two mummas, one dadda, a mee-mah, two double prams. 4 juices, one water, two strawberry milks and one bottle. Many breastfeeds. Much screaming. Much laughing. HUGE headache on the 2 hour drive home. All of it, priceless.
Plus Mee-mah let me choose a pair of shoes for Roo. Any ones I wanted. Roo saw these and called them “tanzing” (dancing) shoes and thus I couldn’t resist.
They look so delicate, but they are quite sturdy and will be so practical and warm over tights through winter. And they have RIBBONS (which I am sure will require replacing in two days). I’m only living vicariously through my two year old a *teensy* bit.
I also wanted to post today about the pediatrician appointment. Not that you all need Oscar’s medical history. But today I went in expecting he usual “yes, he’s well, he’s small but it’s not really a problem, I’ll see you again in 6 months, have a nice day.”
That’s not how it went. I’m actually so disappointed. After Oscar’s balloon angioplasty on the 6th of this month (not even two weeks ago), we were told that everything had gone swimmingly. That this would
most probably be his last heart surgery barring some unexpected and unlikely event. They implied they were going to leave my Midge alone now. Only check ups. Only 6 month check ups. But they always say “no promises, it’s always wait and see”. And today I found out why they mean it.
The pediatrician found a murmur today, and Oscar’s pulses were weak (we have NEVER been told that Oscar’s pulses are weak before, in fact we are often told that for a CHD and coarc baby Oscar’s pulses are quite strong). He said that chances are there will be more operations.
I was so disappointed. I was doing pretty well until I saw and had to explain to Pal. I had a bit of a cry then. Stupid leaky eyes.
I am so worried that being a ‘heart baby’ will define Oscar’s early childhood. I so desperately want that not to be his life. I so much want him to never have to think twice about whether he plays a certain sport. About whether he remembered his medication. To have his blood pressure monitored constantly. I so much don’t want these things for him. But I know they don’t really matter. I know that even if that is what happens to Oscar, that isn’t who Oscar will be. I know that his life will be special and wonderful and full of love. We will deal with whatever comes our way. And there are so many people who have to deal with so much more and I feel so silly for being so disappointed and worried about something that is so fixable. But is it so wrong that I want my baby to be able to just be that, a baby? To be surgery and hospital free?
Me: He’s going to be fine.
DR: He is.
Me: And compared to other babies in the cardiac ward we are so lucky.
DR: Hmmm, that doesn’t take away from what you are going through and what Oscar has to overcome. But he is going to be ok. This is fixable.
Me: But he looks so WELL
DR: He is well, he’s just not in perfect health.
Me: But they said the balloon went really well.
DR: It probably did. If he didn’t have a screwy heart you’d have a perfect baby. I’ll call Dr. ……. (cardiologist) and tell him about this.
Me: We’re back in Sydney in early May for another cardio check up.
DR: Hmmm, that should be soon enough.
DR: I’d like to see Oscar again in 3 months, so that makes it July. I have to tell you though, it’ll have to be late in July because I have to go to Italy.
Me: You have to go to Italy?
DR: Yeah, it’s terrible. It’s a tough life.
Me: You have to go to Italy?
DR: Hmmm, how did I know that wording it that way wouldn’t go down well?
I learnt two things today.
Being disappointed is ok.
No one ever has to go to Italy.