Linking up with Diary of a SAHM for iBOT today…
There seems to be some misconception in the media about caesarean births.
The first that I am aware of is that women who go under the knife are “too posh to push” and that all obstetricians are “caesar happy”.
The second is that having a caesarean birth is an easy way out. A scary procedure to get out of having to endure the pain and indignity of labour.
Right, here we go…
At 33 weeks, with all the information at my disposal – the major point being that Twin 2 (Oscar, that’s him at 31 weeks up there) would struggle and possibly not survive a vaginal birth – the public Fetal Medicine Unit obstetrician and I decided that I would have a “medically required” caesarean.
I was not pushed, scared or made to feel stupid for wanting a vaginal birth.
At one point I was even told that a caesarean birth was not necessarily safer than a vaginal one.
My desire for a twin vaginal birth was supported from my very first appointment with the Fetal Medicine Unit at The Canberra Hospital.
In fact, no one ever said to me: “YOU HAVE TO HAVE A CAESAREAN OR YOUR BABIES WILL DIE!!!”
What my obstetrician did say, when I was 32 and a bit weeks pregnant, was something like:
“Considering the size of Twin 2, I’m not convinced he will deal well with a vaginal birth. The danger is he is so fragile he will struggle considerably.”
Then he took a BIG breath and said very gently, with great respect:
“I think it would be best for Twin 2 if we delivered via caesarean. What do you think?”
You betcha. He told me he thought it was a good idea to do a caesarean and then asked me what I wanted to do. Shocking!
Back in Young, a week and two days later, I was at the hospital having my second steroid injection for the babies’ lung development. They asked me to hop up on the bed and after some grumbling on my part that no woman 34 weeks pregnant with twins, as of today, was in any state to “hop”, I obliged by lumbering up and onto the narrow bed.
They took my blood pressure, asked for a wee sample, put a CTG trace on my belly, and walked away.
An hour and a half later my GP had taken my blood, was hooking me up to a magnesium drip to keep the “pre” in “eclampsia”, plying me with some gross powder to stop the contractions, the ambulance had arrived and I was totally out of it and thought that the ambulance was going to follow Pal and I in the car to make sure we got there safely. Until they brought in the trolley bed.
–
I met the anaesthetist in theatre before he went round to air my backside and draw a target on my back.
He thought he was hilarious. I thought this was all a bit mad.
Target drawn, needle at the ready, they got the call to STOP.
A woman 27 weeks with twins had presented ready to pop and the neonatal staff were obviously attending to her, so could my babies not be born yet? Would I mind waiting?
What seemed like very soon after the room filled with people, I got stabbed in the back (which was actually ridiculously annoying rather than painful, like someone kneeing me in the small of my back), they laid me down quickly, Pal arrived and the surgeon proceeded to cut me open.
Someone decided to wash the dishes in my belly, and then all of a sudden, Twin One was here.
And 40 seconds later, Twin Two was as well.
And it was beautiful.
I forgot I was laying on a table with my innards displayed for the world to see. All I thought about was my beautiful babies, and the burning question, were they OK?
They were. Oscar just.
They were small, red balls of born-too-early fury, and they were beautiful, they were mine and they were safe.
I had a caesarean birth.
And it was amazing.
Fraser
—-
I realise that many women haven’t been as fortunate to have such an understanding and pro-vaginal birth obstetrician as I have.
I realise that of course there are situations where women are made to feel pressured into birth choices they would not otherwise have chosen.
However, is it so hard to accept that because of a medical procedure there are babies being born alive that would not for a caesarean have survived?
Why must a procedure that is saving lives be branded as an easy way out?
Because to be honest with you, needing help to get out of bed and go to the toilet? Not a whole lot of fun, not very dignified, not easy.
Being in pain, unable to hold your babies comfortably or without someone to help you? Not a whole lot of fun, not very confidence-inducing (especially for new mothers), not easy.
Lying in a bed being unable to visit your babies until 7 hours after they are born, with a nurse and a wardsman to wheel your bed to the NICU? Ain’t a whole lot of fun. Nor is it – in any way, shape or form – easy.
Sometimes, being a mother isn’t a whole lot of fun, isn’t dignified, and it sure isn’t easy. We are all just trying to keep our children safe from before the moment they are born.
That starts in the birthing room – whether it’s at home or under the knife.
LOL Washing dishes in your belly is exactly how it feels
I remember a few people being shocked when I made that comment after the girls births.
Both my girls were born by c-section and it was amazing both times.
Heidi’s birthday today so I’ve been thinking about her birth a bit, as you do
Marita recently posted..Happy 7th Birthday Heidi
I’m not sure you can describe the feeling any other way! It’s so strange but so familiar! I think because I was prepared to have a caesarean I found it more beautiful and amazing than I would if I had been expecting a vaginal birth and been emergencied (it’s a word now!) into a c/s. I was just happy to see my babies out safely and alive and to hear them cry!
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
Well bloody said! I had a ( relatively easy, so i’m told ) vaginal birth with Flynn but if i had been told ” the baby is in distress/something is going wrong/ its better for both of you ” and that i needed a caeserean… i wouldnt have hesitated. To me the most important part of the birth is whether the mother and the baby stay alive and well, not whether the baby comes out between your legs or from a big hole in your belly.
And, to the bit where some women relate the whole notion of their womanhood/motherhood to the way they give birth – i say your measure as a mother is in the way you raise your children, not how you birth them.
Amy@New Adventures recently posted..Mama Makeover Time
Absolutely Amy! I think it’s hard in the first few years after you’ve given birth (in whatever way you choose/must) is the hardest if you had to accept a choice that wasn’t your first. And I think it’s OK to be sad to feel you’ve missed out on sometihng (I am still sad that I didn’t get to hold both my babies as soon as they were born) because of the circumstances of the birth. But once the kids get older there’s a bit more distance between the birthing room and life and it’s easier to accept how things have gone. And THEN you begin to judge yourself on your mothering skills, haha! We are our own worst enemies!
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
I would never ever advocate caesarean as ‘an easy way out’. It’s anything but that.
Tiff recently posted..Soul searching.
I agree Tiff xx
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
Having a caesarean shows great courage, because you’re willing to go through anything for your babies – even going through surgery. As much as I believe that many caesars could be avoided, there are definitely many that are warranted and save lives. And like your have proved, a woman can have a very empowering birth no matter what. x
Deb @ Bright & Precious recently posted..Speak Your Truth
I agree Deb – there are c/s that could be avoided with planning, information and more understanding that a doctor’s word isn’t the be all and end all, and that you have the power to challenge a medical opinion. And I do believe there are hospitals that use a c/s as their safety fall back, because they are too far from a bigger centre should something go wrong. But like you say, making an informed decision is empowering.
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
I had Holly 13 days ago so the whole experience is fresh in my mind! I had a normal vaginal delivery but during labour her heart rate dropped dramatically and the first thing I yelled when the doctor started freaking out was CUT THAT BABY OUT AND MAKE SURE SHE’S OK! Your first instinct is to protect that baby, not how they arrive into the world.
And seeing and hearing the poor women in the maternity ward who’ve had caesareans – it’s definitely not the easier or painless option!
Alex aka Whoa Mumma recently posted..So Breastfeeding Is Like Pooping In Public??? Really?????
OMG I missed that Holly was here!! I must head over and hope there are some baby shnoomy photos of her Alex! You are so right, as soon as something starts to go wrong it’s like someone kicked you in the face and you don’t care how it happens, you just want that baby out and safe!
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
Yes! It felt exactly like someone was washing the dishes in my abdomen! I don’t join in the ‘too posh to push’ debacle. I don’t know why women feel it in them to judge others for the way they give birth (or feed, or sleep, or nappy types….or anything related to raising children!!) I had 4 caesareans. It was definitely not the “easy” option for me (pain, 6 weeks+ of healing…) – but a medical necessity. My obstetrician was lovely – and gave me a choice (after he presented all the facts) with my 2nd c-section. Great post.xx
Debbie @ Aspiring Mum recently posted..Organising Homework/Stationery Supplies.
Thanks Deb! I keep thinking I must be in the minority, but I wonder if some women don’t realise that they are given a choice, and rather take a recommendation as some kind of doctors law? A doctor I used to have used to phrase things very carefully, so that his words said that I had a choice, but his manner suggested that I really didn’t. I obviously don’t go to him any more!
4 caesareans! Whoah! Haha, I find it hard to imagine anyone would go back for a second, third or fourth c/s because they felt it would be easier than a vaginal delivery!
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
What a beautiful birth story. I was one of those that chose to be scheduled for a C-Section (shock horror, I know) I even chose my ob as I know she is happy to do them! There were medical reasons in both my medical history and also seeing what my mum is going through 35 years later – I am not dumb, lazy or a wuss – I am educated and decided this was the best decision for me and my baby. I was scheduled for the c-Section on the Friday and had a hair appt booked Thursday morning, followed by a relaxing afternoon with friends – we hadn’t told anyone about our decision or date. Z however, had other plans and my waters broke very early Thursday morning and he came in all of 5 hours, so by the time I actually knew what was happening and the ob asked if I wanted a C section or go ahead, I was 8 cm dilated and figured I may as well keep going. I had a pretty good excuse to cancel my hair appt with without 24 hour notice.
Chantel recently posted..How Embarrassment!
Oh wow! THAT is a great story, Chantel!!
That’s the thing, I think the most important thing about birth is to make an informed choice. I had a traumatic and particularly damaging birth with Roo, and considered taking my GP up on the option of a c/s referral before we even knew we were having twins. But by 28 weeks I had a fairly good idea that my babes would be born small for gestation, between 34-36 weeks and I was desperate to avoid a c/s because I wanted to be able to visit them off my own steam almost immediately – I knew with a c/s that wouldn’t be an option. At the end of the day, you’ve just gotta make a decision that is right for you personally!
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
YES! At the birth classes we had an exercise where the outcome should be ‘healthy mum’, ‘healthy baby’ as that’s what is most important. Surprisingly, a handful of the couples opted to have ‘no cesarian’, ‘healthy but’ with one having ‘no cesarian’, ‘no episiotimy’. Honestly, I have my ideal birth in my head but I wouldn’t be disappointed if none of that happened and sesame and I were healthy. After giving birth once though I know that birth plans often don’t go to plan, it’s hard to tell that to first time mothers though.
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Yep, you are right Ames! My birth plan with Roo was all: “I’d prefer THIS, but at the end of the day I want my baby safe” – after miscarrying I had a pretty good idea of what was most important to me – my baby.
I knew so many women pregnant at the same time with long and involved birth plans!
I had a doula at Roo’s birth and wanted all natural, all calm, all on my own steam, and in the end I had an epidural for the pain, which actually worked to drop my blood pressure (I wondered why they’d agreed to stabbing me in the back before trying the gas for so long, but recently found out that it was because they knew it would drop my blood pressure faster than anything else and keep me alive to push her out!), ventouse delivery. I didn’t care. I just wanted that baby so bad I would have done anything!
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
Great post Daisy.
I agree with you. What a blessing to have the option of a Caesarean.
I have been “blessed” with 3 vaginal births, but there is no question that if I needed a Caesar, I would have one.
As far as a Caesar being the “easier” option… if you ever see the post-Caesar mums hobbling around a maternity ward, you quickly realise that major abdominal surgery is no walk in the park!
I know! I remember being placed into a room on my own, right next to the nurses station, after I had Roo because I had 3rd degree tears and couldn’t move. And then I remember feeling pretty sorry for myself until two days later when I was walking around with a stinging and sore fanny and there was a girl wincing every time she coughed, because she’d had a c/s 4 days before. Ugh, and then I was graced with pneumonia during my c/s recovery! Wouldn’t wish that on anyone! Unless it meant they got a beautiful, healthy baby out safely!
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
I think my midwife loved me, she asked what my birth plan was, I said “for me and Nicklas to be healthy and safe, at any cost.” I am all for being educated on the many ways to birth a baby, I am all for people choosing what they would like to do, what they think is best for them. But I will never understand why people would put their birth plan over the safety and opinion of Doctors. Thanks for sharing that private OBs are not all golfing, c-section-scheduling, knife-happy maniacs!
Aroha @ Colours of Sunset recently posted..I Have An Interview
I felt the same way! And before I had a c/s I had many misconceptions about the recovery and the procedure itself. All obviously from the media and other women who (funnily enough) hadn’t actually been through a c/s.
By the time we got to the point of making that decision, I didn’t care. I just wanted my babies to be alive and safe, if healthy couldn’t be an option!
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
I have a lasting image of one of the women in my mother’s group. We all went round the group saying how we delivered our babies. When we got to her, she was in tears because she had a c-section and this was going to be her only baby and she would never experience a vaginal birth.
Both my girls were born by c-section. From the get go, I was willing to do whatever it took to primarily ensure my babies were born healthy. There were risks with my pregnancies and my doc was willing to go natural until other things presented themselves.
He was great and made sure he explained all options to me. I never felt pressured. My first baby was breech. My second pregnancy presented with placenta previa so I was initially down for a c-section but when that shifted enough for a natural delivery the week prior to my due date, I had to do a huge mind flip and try and prepare for a natural birth. My waters broke the day I was due but since I did not progress and there were risks with waiting for me to actually go into labour, I ended up having my second c-section.
The birth, as significant as it is, is just a moment in our lives and the lives of our children. I agree with Amy above that motherhood is more than just this moment.
Veronica @ Mixed Gems recently posted..A Choice of Compassion?
Well said, Veronica!
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
A-FREAKIN’-MEN!!! There are equal risks with both options – major surgery isn’t a light option to take (if you choose, that is). Having done both options (failed induction + fetal distress = emergency C/S, followed by a VBAC which would’ve been a C/S if she’d gone overdue), I can say that it was in fact the c-section that was the hardest. Recovery’s a bitch, and I didn’t get to hold my baby boy for a few hours as well as I was out of it and he was in a humidicrib for low blood sugar. We should get badges for having survived being cut open, guts pushed and pulled about, and having a wound across our stomachs – right through the muscles you need for, oh, sitting, standing, coughing, sneezing, pooing…
LOVE IT!! OMG the coughing and sneezing! I contracted pneumonia after my surgery (which was no surprise seeing as I went in with a chest infection) and oh, the coughing!!! OUCH! I may or may not have tears at memories of the pain!
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
A beautiful, brilliant post, Mrs.
Enlightening, refreshing and poignant.
As a woman who is ‘not allowed’ another vaginal delivery in this lifetime – with good reason – I loved reading your account. Thank you.
x
Mum on the Run recently posted..Mum on the Run Turns One
Thank you, Mrs!
Caesarean’s don’t have to be scary – just prepare yourself for the procedure and ask lots of questions, when you get to that point Shar.
I had a good friend who’d had a twin c/s a year before I’d had mine, and she was great at preparing me for the weird little things that would otherwise freak you out.
Like how as soon as you get given the spinal you practically fall over.
Or how it really does feel like your insides are being used as a kitchen sink.
Or the smell as they stitch and sew you back up (a bit like burning flesh, but not in a really gross way).
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
“Someone decided to wash the dishes in my belly” – Oh god, my stomach just lurched reading that. That sensation was the WEIRDEST I have ever experienced!
I have delivered one baby by c-section and the other vaginally, and it is my personal opinion that c-section is NOT the easy way out. Sure, you don’t have to push and pee with your head between your knees for a few weeks after but dude, you get cut open and that ain’t no walk in the park to recover from!
If I’m being honest, I will say that I have very strong opinions regarding VBAC’s and the lack of available info/support, etc available but I am for choice and that means providing support and respecting what women choose for themselves and their babies, whether it’s the choice I would make or not.
Girl power and all that! x
Good Golly Miss Holly! recently posted..The dilemma of the unplanned pregnancy and university.
Totally agree Holly. I think there needs to be more support for VBAC’s – what it really comes down to is there needs to be more support for what the mother chooses.
Yes, weirdest thing I have ever felt!!
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
I had no choice with masterh but to have a c-section even though the girls were all natural i was really looking forward to that moment with him.. BUT i knew something was wrong after she induced me and by morning when i felt like i was bruised inside and out. They checked and hed moved that much he was now knee down, my waters were about to break and i needed a c-section. At that moment. I thought of not disappointment, not one thing except. Sign the form, cry and pray my baby would be ok. The c-section was so different. But just as beautiful and wonderful and precious memory along side my girls.
Lifeasmummymax recently posted..What’s with all the judging
It’s a scary moment when you realise things aren’t going well. I’m glad Master H is doing well now and that your memories of his birth are beautiful xx
How people cannot see that c-sections are a GIFT of modern medicine. So many babies are alive today that may not have been without this procedure. So many mothers lives could have been lost.
The only time c-section talk pisses me off is when people who have not had kids try to tell me that a c-section is “easier” or “generally safer”. It’s not. They’re both hard for their own reasons, and both can be dangerous. But please, being cut practically in half is not something to be taken lightly. You do it if you need to, for yourself, for your baby, but it’s just as scary as your vagina being stretched to birth a baby.
In the end the goal is for the baby and mother to make it out as healthy as possible.
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You are right, birth by its very nature is dangerous. A caesarean is a risky birth because of the complications the anaesthetic causes, and ongoing breathing problems for babes, yet its often assumed that women have caesarean’s to avoid the “scary” side of birth. A Vaginal birth is risky, because well there’s a human trying to exit your body out of a hole the size of a 5c piece. I’ve had both kinds of delivery, and I’d choose to push that watermelon out and get torn to shreds all over again over a caesarean if it meant a healthy baby.
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
Great post and so very true. I’ve had 3 different births so I got used to expecting the unexpected! I had an emergency c-section, followed by heavily assisted VBAC, ending with an elective c-section. Let’s face it, no birth is easy! In the end, it shouldn’t be about the birth itself, it’s about the lifetime you share afterwards – that is what really matters.
Kirsty@MyHomeTruths recently posted..Sunday Session – My Kid’s Favourites
Absolutely Kirsty. I think at the time we all get quite caught up with the hoopla surrounding birth and the choices it involves. I think we all love the idea of a natural and calm birth, but it’s not the reality for a lot of women and it’s always good to hear another facet of the birthing experience!
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
my wife was cesarian. she is always upset that she missed out on a normal birth, that she missed out on her rushing into hospital with contractions and all that stuff. other women don judge her, but she is left out when her mum friends talk about childbirth that she didnt go through.
good on ya for talking about this though.. there are misconceptions about it.
Dad Blog Tork recently posted..Did you win the STIHL Giveaway?
It’s hard to deal with. I made some new friends recently and they were talking about child birth and I put in my two cents and they literally said to me: “What would you know, you had a caesarian?” and I have to remind them that Roo’s was a vaginal delivery.
There is no such thing as a normal birth, there is the birth you get. Once the baby days are over, birth becomes a distant experience in conversation, and it turns more to tantrums and how to deal with three year olds – your wife will be far from left out then! Thanks for sharing Tork.
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
How interesting! I had both my girls vaginally but on the other end of the scale, was induced both times 5-7 days early. With my first, I had high blood pressure, iron anemia and a hubby working night shift while I lived an hour away from a hospital with actual doctors (our little country one has one shared between hospitals, and no emergency room) family and friends! My stress was too high so it was strongly advised that I either got induced or worked out a way to stay in Melbourne with company 24/7 as I was not in a great state and since I couldnt, went the induced way and never regretted it! I think we just have to trust our instincts, and if that means getting a C-sec, vag birth, induced, new doctor or opinion in the process, then so be it!
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Agree Lauren. We all have to do what’s best for us at the time. My vaginal birth with Roo was far from “natural”, I was induced after 5 weeks on bedrest, two of them in hospital. It was heavily assisted and ended in a vacuum delivery when she went into distress. But it was beautiful. Nothing compares to the moment you see your babe for the first time. For me, once my babies were here, how they got here really didn’t matter anymore.
We have to trust ourselves, and it that means we have a caesarian booked at 20 weeks or we have a home birth, as long as the decision is ours and we realise we have the power, then no one should take any issue with it.
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
I find it quite funny that c-sections get called the easy way out. Since when is major abdominal surgery easy to recover from???
Glowless recently posted..The thirty before 30 recap
It’s one of the strangest misconceptions out there! Just like the one that vaginas are gaping hallways after birth! How does this stuff even get thought up??
Thanks for visiting, Glow xx
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
Thank you for sharing your story. My son was delivered by c-section and was made to feel like I was missing out on something. But reading this has made me feel so much better about it. Wether it’s a natural birth or c-section that first moment you meet your baby is just as beautiful and special.
Thank you.
Absolutely, I just commented above that nothing compares to meeting your babe for the first time, and in that moment how they got there really isn’t the most important thing!
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
Well said Daisy! My first was born via emergency c-section… really I think it was just an inpatient OB wanting to go on holidays and didn’t want to wait any longer, but thats another story!
Anyway, my c-section was neither easy, nor pleasant. It is in no way the easy way out, it makes me angry that people have the audacity to say that.
Amy @ MahliMoo recently posted..My babies started school!
I had an impatient OB with Roo’s birth because she was itching to get down to a booked caesarian, but in the end it was faster to do a vacuum delivery than get me to the theater and Roo was in distress, so that’s what they did. I had two 3rd degree tears and they stopped counting how many stitches – in the end it took her an hour to stitch me up and probably would have been faster for the OB to take me to theater, get the kid out and stitch my tummy up. I used to feel jipped that I wasn’t given a caesar when it was obviously warranted but after having the boys I can only be grateful! Roo was born at 3.89kg and was 6.4kg by 6 weeks – I can’t imagine having to carry her around and deal with her and recover from a caesar at the same time!
I learnt though, that women have a say in their births and it’s so important to get the message out that just because an OB or midwife says something MUST be done, doesn’t necessarily mean it is so.
I’m so sorry your experience was so unpleasant. The misconception is truly terrible!
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
So well said! And doing the dishes in your belly is exactly how it feels. I had an emergency c with my first son & a very traumatic emergency c with my second. The pressure on me to try a VBAC at the hospital I had my second baby at was incredible. If I had I doubt either my baby or I would be here. It is such a fraught time and I truly believe that health should remain the #1 priority for both mum & baby regardless of how baby arrives in the world! Xxx
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Yep, Cat. Birth choices and preferences are important, but at the end of the day the ongoing health of both mother and child need to be the priority. I’ve never heard of a hospital pressuring for VBACs before! I think that would probably be more terrifying and upsetting than pressure to have another caesar – because obviously something didn’t go right the first time. I’m glad you and babe are ok now, though xx
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
Daisy – I love you. You’re always saying JUST the right thing. I heard something, fleetingly on the news about being too posh to push and it just makes me so mad. I never wanted a c-section but it ended up being the best birth for me and in no way was it easy. In fact, 14 months after my last I am still suffering.
I don’t know why it matters how a baby comes into the world if it’s safe and healthy. Thank you for posting on such an important issue!
Becky from BeckyandJames.com recently posted..Being the Child of a Blogger
Oh it’s been floating around in my head since I heard a snippet on The Project! I know the story actually went on to point out that a study basically just pointed out that only 10% of women opted for a c/s over a vaginal delivery, and that obs were responsible for the high statistic of c/s’ – the study makes perfect sense, but it was blown out of proportion for a headline and it seriously made me so cranky!
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
My first child was a vaginal birth, my second was an emergency c due to a nasty case of placenta previa. Neither was a walk in the park but I think of both experiences in hindsight and all that I care about is that both boys were born healthy and safe. Especially after the risks associated with the second pregnancy. I love your kids’ names by the way, I have an Oscar too.
Ink Paper Pen recently posted..Agent Chin-Wag
Oscar is a lovely name! It was the first name I really really wanted, and so it was just finding a name that “went” with Oscar without matching it for his twin!
I totally agree – I used to get caught up in the judgement and disappointment associated with birth, right up until I realised that I sesriously don’t give a stuff how I was born! To be honest, there are two (or three in my case) people whose opinion on the birth truly matters, the mother and child/ren. If I don’t care how I was born, I highly doubt my sons will care how they were.
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
Its funny how we defend our own choices by judging others. You are very right- healthy baby is all that matters!
Robyn (@slightly_deep) recently posted..Dear Me….
Thanks Robyn. I think that really is one of the failings of the human condition. If someone makes a different choice to ours we immediately feel threatened and become judgemental!
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
I had a caesarean birth, too. I won’t say that it was an easy way. I don’t know how painful the natural way could be, but this was quite painful for me. But it was the most wonderful thing in my life when I could hold my son in my hands and saw his beautiful small black eyes:)
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That’s so beautiful Catwoman. And that moment really and truly is the most important one I’ve ever had. Thank you xx
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
As a mom who has had both types of births, trust me nothing about my c-section was easy! The recover was awful and I didn’t get to see my twins for 2 days. That was not easy. But since the little brats had their cords wrapped around their necks and my son almost didn’t have a heartbeat there was no other option. I didn’t even get to be awake for the procedure since there was no time for an epidural. So no it was not easy, it was the hardest experience of my life.
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The combination of a c/s and babies in the NICU is probably one of the hardest and upsetting experiences I’ve ever had. Watching other women in the same ward walk past on their way to visit their babes and knowing I couldn’t go until a midwife and wardsman could come along and help me was so upsetting. Not something I’d wish on my worst enemy. I’m glad your brats are ok now though ;P
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
I begged for a ceaser after 20 hors of labour with Ava. She was posterior and I wasn’t coping. I got fed some line about they couldn’t cause the Anaesthetist was in surgery.
In hind sight, I think it would have been better. She was born ok- just. Her colour was frightening, and she needed oxygen, but she was ok.
But her birth scarred me. I was probably at risk for PND because of the pregnancy, but it was the birth that pushed me over the edge. I’m sure if I had a ‘knife happy’ obstetrician he would have known that and it would have been over hours if not days before, but because I was lost in the public system with midwives who had no idea, and want a natural birth at all costs, I was on my own.
A natural birth worked for her, but it didn’t for me. My state of mind hasn’t been th same since, and that effects all of my children. There is so much more to having babies than just having babies.
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I just will never understand why the mother’s opinion isn’t taken into consideration more. After three previous births you think they would have trusted your judgement! My OB was part of the public Fetal Medicine Unit in a hospital notorious for intervention, so I was initially incredibly surprised that he supported me wanting a vaginal birth until really, the very last minute. What I have realised since is that he is incredibly experienced and very well respected because of his insistence on listening to the mother. I was under his care for Roo’s birth and had midwives telling me that I would be having a c/s weeks before I gave birth, but he supported my preference and although Roo’s birth wasn’t ideal, it was what I had asked for.
I am so angry on your behalf that you weren’t listened to, and that your mental health wasn’t taken into as much consideration as your physical. xx
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
Some people, though, cannot be convinced that sometimes the c/s is the best option for both mum & baby! My 3 kids were all born by c/s. The first was an emergency after 11 hours of labour when she went into distress. The second was a failed VBAC – after 17 hours my cervix became swollen (didn’t even know that was possible!!), so off for another emergency c/s. That baby also contracted a group B strep infection & ended up in neonatal intensive care on total life support – VERY scary! He was lucky & surprised doctors by making a full recovery. We did find out that doctors don’t tell you everything – as we left the hospital with our recovered baby they told us they hadn’t expected him to live – they never mentioned that at the time! So, when baby 3 decided to come along & my ob said I really think this should be an elective c/s, I wasn’t going to argue with him! But a good friend, to this day, cannot understand why I didn’t try for another VBAC!!
Some people don’t understand because they don’t want to. I think there is some kind of superiority attached to having a vaginal birth for some women, because it is hard and it is an endurance event. They see anything else as less than what they went through, because they are attaching their own worth to their births.
I wish it was something I could change!
Attaching your self worth to how you birthed your babies is the most ridiculous thing I have EVER heard of doing!!!! By all means, be proud of your experiences, but by no means should mine be diminished in favour of yours is how I feel about it!
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
I’ve had both (and in my case there was not much natural involved in my natural births!) but without caesarean births 3 of my children may not be here, and with the last 2 I might not be here. My baby Hannah was born 9 weeks ago by booked Caesar 5.5 weeks early due to my high Bp. I’m grateful we live in a country where we have the chance to deliver our babies safely!
Wendy S recently posted..The Letter Game
I am in absolute agreeance, Wendy. I get a bit sick of the “women in Africa” line, because women in Africa actually lose their babes during childbirth, or die themselves, all the time. We live in a country that has amazing opportunities and of course there are problems, and sometimes a reliance on medicine that we don’t need. But I just can’t bring myself to be anything but grateful!
Daisy recently posted..On being too posh to push and having a knife-happy obstetrician…
It amazes me that anyone could say a caesar is the easy way out, vaginal births may involve more grunting and swearing but I am positive that recovery is more straight forward. Each have their positives and negatives and as long as you are able to birth a healthy baby, you shouldn’t feel that you need to submit a report card for your method!
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Loved reading this, and all of the comments!
). Second time around, having a planned c-section was the sensible and risk-free option for my son and for me. Seems my body wasn’t built to deliver a baby ‘naturally’ but, my babies are perfect, so I don’t care how they were delivered. Besides, “sun-roofs” are cool, right! 
But, after having 2 c-sections, I’ve only ever encountered one person who passed their own judgement onto me – a ‘well meaning’ mother of a friend who wore her vaginal delivery like a badge of honor.
Honestly, who cares HOW someone’s baby is born? All I’ve ever cared about is whether the people I love – and their little ones – are all a-ok.
Without an emergency c-section one of my boys would never have made it out (as it was, he was born with a cone shaped head from being stuck on his way out, poor thing. Lucky we didn’t plan to call him ‘Conan’ LOL
And dare I say it, I found the recovery both times easy – was too focused on my little babies to really notice that I’d had surgery!
x Andrea
Im very interested in this topic at the moment as Im halfway through pregnancy number 3 and I don’t know yet if I’ll be allowed a VBAC or if it will be another c section. My first and only attempt at labour was very traumatic and ended with an emergency c section. I had a terrible time recovering from the surgery and found it so difficult as a first time mum when I could hardly lift my new baby. The second time round I was desperate for a natural birth but when my due date came and went the OB said it would be safer to do another ceasar. I was pretty gutted but went with what I was told and after my little girl was safely delivered found out that there was a knot in her cord and if she had been born naturally she might have died. Needless to say I was pretty glad things happened how they did (God certainly knows better than I do). I guess I will just have to wait and see what happens this time round. Even though I went through hours of labour with my first pregnancy I still feel like I can’t really join in on some of the “birth” stories so Im hoping I can do it this time.
I love a birth story Daisy and yours with the twins was a fantastic read! xx
Lee recently posted..My week 16 -22 Jan
I was lucky enough to be able to have a natural birth with my first. I thought that a c-section was an easy option until I shared a room with several ladies who had had one. The pain and suffering they were going through made my natural labour look like a walk in the park.
I have now just found out that I am having twins. I was worried going to my first ob appointment that a c-section would be pushed on me. I was happy to find the ob was open for a natural birth. He did quote “I would not wish a c-section on anyone” He has explained that I may not have an option so I am preparing myself mentally for a c-section if needed. I would not hesitate for a second to put my babies needs first.
Sometimes I think people need to go through a few miscarriages to realise how precious every child is, and it is the end result that you are after and not the journey you took to get you there.
On my second c-section I could hear the OB cutting along my scar line. A bit freaky!
Sarah @ fignutmum recently posted..Wordless Wednesday- a birthday boy with his cake
My twinnies were born via c-section too. And I didn’t have it scheduled just to fit in around my manicure appointment. I really didn’t care how they came into the world… I just wanted them healthy. Cliche’d maybe… but still true. Beautiful story Daisy.
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I got induced with my son and when things hadn’t progressed and I was so exhausted, I was advised if I wanted to have a c-sect now while we’re both not stressed, then they would do that for us. Deep down my gut instinct was telling me yes, this is the right way to go. So into theatre for a c-sect and my son was born 15hours after being induced.
I went in with the plan to deliver safest way possible and that is what happened. I don’t regret not having a vaginal birth or having a c-sect. My child and I were safe and well as could be and that is all that mattered.
I also agree, its the weirdest sensation when they’re inside you pulling and pushing things around. “doing the dishes” isn’t something I’ve heard it described as before, but that does suit what it feels like
I unfortunately didnt find either of my csections a positive experience. After 27 hrs full blown labour with my first i was advised she would die if they didnt get her out straight away! I was so sick during the operation, and in and out of consiousness….the second I was scheduled for due to suspected pelvic disproportion however went into labour 5 weeks and 6 days early, was dosed up on sleeping pills and then rushed to theatre from fear of uterine rupture…again so so sick and throwing up everywhere, couldnt breath etc (anxiety!). I am so tired of being told i am weak and had it easy…the other thing some people fail to realise is that csections are often infact out of your control.