{Image - # 1 by Ден Ковалевский}
I feel like my funny has dried up.
Gone on holiday. Out of the office. AWOL.
I’m not sure what to do about it. Funny cant be forced.
Humour can’t be hacked.
It’s just gotta be there.
And mine, this week, is just not.
It’s times like this I wonder if I ever really was hilarious. Maybe I just thought I was a little bit funny? Maybe it was all in my head?
Then again, maybe my very being is the most hilarious thing to ever come into existence. And right now I’m not very me.
I’m finding it hard to concentrate. On writing. In conversation. On getting the washing done.
The other day I forgot to change nappies after the afternoon sleep. Pal thought I did it on purpose to leave them for him. That would have taken more concentration than I am capable of.
I’m not sure if there is something wrong or if I have been switched back into survival mode.
Just keep swimming.
Don’t fall down.
For goodness sake remember to change the kids’ nappies.
I’m making dinners. Cleaning surfaces. But I guess that’s the thing. Maybe I need to be doing some deep cleaning.
And I’m not talking about the kitchen anymore.
Being this Mum, this month, has been hard. Disrupted. Disjointed. Disengaged. And we are only 13 days in.
I just want to be funny again.
But I’m not funny.
I’m sad.
Pal says that maybe, just for a little while, I need to be sad.
He probably means “sad” as in embarrassing. I mean sad as in exhausted.
This time, two years ago, I was staring down the barrel of bringing not-quite-ultra-prem twins into a single parent home.
I was 25 weeks pregnant with a 15 month old. My husband left.
And the doctors were saying that the babies would be lucky to make it to 28 weeks.
It was the scariest, most confusing time of my life.
It was also the time I was the most calm I have ever been.
Oh I was angry. I was ragingly, scarily angry.
But I was also calm.
I was calm on fire.
Heavily pregnant calm on fire.
And now?
Now life is better than I could have possibly imagined two years ago.
My babies are here. Roo has survived the Usurpers. My husband is home.
So supportive. So HERE. More here than he ever was before.
But the getting here?
The price, the emotional toll – it’s been exhorbitant.
I didn’t realise until we entered hospital for a relatively minor, elective, procedure.
That’s when it buried me. When my son was screaming and there was nothing I could do. There was nothing I could say as I rocked him, held him. Wished for him, and for us, to not be in the here and now. And a nurse came in and took him from me. Said “go”.
And it wasn’t until I reached the bathroom that I realised I was crying.
That I had been crying for some time.
And I guess that means that for now, the funny is gone.
{{HUGS}} Daisy, sometimes you are allowed to cry and be sad x Look after you x
Natalie recently posted..FFS Friday
Thanks hon xx
Daisy recently posted..Dear Funny. It’s Me, Daisy. Are you there?
It’s okay to feel this way. It’s good that you can express it here, it might help. I have time when I ‘can’t get my wit’ on and I just can’t find it. It’ll come back. I hope you start feeling better soon. Rachel x
Rachel from Redcliffe Style recently posted..Ridiculous gifts you can buy your man
Thanks Rachel. I’m sure it will be back soon enough xx
Daisy recently posted..Dear Funny. It’s Me, Daisy. Are you there?
It’s completely okay if the funny’s gone. Sometimes it just has to go away for things to be placed in perspective. It’ll come back when it’s good and ready. Well, more importantly, when you’re good and ready. This month has been exhausting for me just with DPCON12. I can’t begin to imagine how it’s been for you. Take care of you x
Grace recently posted..Tickle time !
Thanks Grace! Hasn’t the month been completely thrown asunder! Totally worth it, but still hard to get back into routine! xx
Daisy recently posted..Dear Funny. It’s Me, Daisy. Are you there?
Oh Daisy,
I think Pal is right, you sound “sad”, which by the look of it is completely reasonable.
Take the time.
Lots of love, really feeling for you this morning.
(said with complete love, you haven’t lost you humour, but nappies first, then benches)
Hannah recently posted..In a China Shop
Thanks Hannah xx
Daisy recently posted..Dear Funny. It’s Me, Daisy. Are you there?
Your funny isn’t gone. Look….its right behind the tired see it? It’s inbetween the sad and the scared. It will come out when you are ready. Give it time.
Meanwhile we do miss the funny, but we can wait. You need to take care of the tired, the sad and the scared first.
Take your time, we will be waiting!!!!!
Cranky
Cranky Old Man recently posted..GARAGE-WALL BALL part II
Oh Cranky this comment made me cry (in a really good way!) – thank you for your ongoing, AMAZING support xxx !!!
Daisy recently posted..Dear Funny. It’s Me, Daisy. Are you there?
The funny’s not gone – just taking a well earned rest.
You have more important facets of yourself to give attention to and nurture.
You, my friend (whether you will deflect it or not) have done it tough.
Seriously tough.
You have soldiered and shouldered for years – and it’s noly natural that you’ve reached a point of utter exhaustion with a bit of numb thrown in.
That straw last week – the one that broke your back? It was the last part of a bloody avalanche.
Be kind to yourself.
Maybe find some time on the weekend to lie and read. Or sleep. Or have your nails painted. Or google new jokes?!!
Time to take some care of you.
xxxxxxx
Mum on the Run recently posted..52 Week Project : Wk 30
Oh yes, Google might help!
Thank you Shar, loads of love to you!
Daisy recently posted..Dear Funny. It’s Me, Daisy. Are you there?
Hugs* Daisy. No-one can (or should) be happy or funny all the time. I love ALL your posts, Funny, Happy,Sad, Angry and Scared. Because they’re real. Because it gives me a glimpse into the life of another mother, another woman, and it helps me see it’s not uncommon to feel overwhelmed with housework, frustrated with children and guilty for trying to be a person as well as Mum. So thanks for posting your downs as well as the ups… Cos it wouldn’t be life in the REAL lane with out them <3
Thanks for the reminder Annie, I needed it xx
Daisy recently posted..Dear Funny. It’s Me, Daisy. Are you there?
I love you even if you are funny, boring, ranty, pissed off, drunk, sober, pre-mestrual, horny, satisifed, hungry, thirsty, sad, exhausted, miserable, depressed, suicidal, exuberant, hyperactive, clean, dirty, smelly, hot, cold, wearing sack cloth and ashes, or holding a machete to my neck.
Ok?
It’s ok Daisy. It rally is. We get it, and we are here.
Jess recently posted..What’s the Point of Pinterest?
I’d love you even if you shaved your head and called yourself “Bumface” xx
Daisy recently posted..Dear Funny. It’s Me, Daisy. Are you there?
It’s okay to be sad. Cry as much as you need too. With everything you have been through, any normal person would have lost the plot long ago. That’s what makes you do awesome because you manage to always find the silver lining in everything thrown at you. That’s what makes you funny. Because you are so real.
Crystal Goulding recently posted..An Epiphany
Thank you Crystal xx
Daisy recently posted..Dear Funny. It’s Me, Daisy. Are you there?
Your funny will be back, I’m positive. Cause that is just who you are!
This sad/heavy/drowning feeling will pass and in a blink of an eye it will be Christmas again and we all will have completely forgotten about little old April.
Much love xxx
So true Meegan! You are right!
Daisy recently posted..Dear Funny. It’s Me, Daisy. Are you there?
Such a nice article! Thanks for sharing you inner thoughts and you breathtaking story. It must have been easy when your husband left and you couldn’t know if your babies would be healthy or not. But you see, things got better and you are now in the right place.
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I always love your honesty Daisy. We’re always told to put on a brave face, but what if we don’t want to? Why do we have to? It’s so ok to be sad. Funny & happy will return soon enough, but it’s also okay to feel the empty and let those tears fall. Take care of yourself.x
Debbie @ Aspiring Mum recently posted..One New Thing.
Thanks Debbie – its so hard to let go of the “I should just be grateful my child is alive” attitude, and not feel guilty about being sad. I’m beginning to learn though xx
Daisy recently posted..Dear Funny. It’s Me, Daisy. Are you there?
Oh Daisy. I’m very familiar with the “sad”. I miss my funny terribly when it’s gone. I hope yours returns to you soon. Thinking of you xxxx
Nee recently posted..All systems down
Thanks Nee xx
Daisy recently posted..Dear Funny. It’s Me, Daisy. Are you there?
Sending you love.
Part of it is post conference blues. Part of it is cause life is fucking hard.
Part of it is cause you are awesome and sometimes awesome needs to take a break.
x
Oh I like that! Sometimes Awesome Needs To Take A Break! Very cool!
Daisy recently posted..Dear Funny. It’s Me, Daisy. Are you there?
Your funny is still there, it’s just having time out. What you tackled two years ago, well if you can handle that you can take on anything. Give it time.
Mandy recently posted..HLS [WK15] – The Time Audit
I think it’s really really really okay to be sad every so often… actually as often as you need it. It’s healthy. It’s REAL. And I love a woman who is real. Love your honesty, Daisy. And I hope that you find your funny back in good time – for your sake – not ours. No matter what you feel, or write about – I’ll still love you! xx
Deb @ Bright & Precious recently posted..I Want to Run
There are sad times in everyone’s life, don’t panic about it. I hope that things will get better soon;)
Julie recently posted..Dental Implants For A Permanent Tooth Alternative
Just be patient and things will get better! Believe me and wait until the good times will roll!
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Oh Daisy, you’re allowed to feel not funny. You’re human and that means we get all emotions, not all the time, but they are there. There is only so much you can take and obviously it come to the boil that day.
We all need to have a good cry and this is a good clean out for our body. If we hold back the tears all the time, it spreads like a poision through our body and then eats away at our spirit.
Take care of yourself and I’m really glad you took a night out for yourself.
Side note — I’m really glad that Pal is alot more there in your relationship and there as a father. I’m assuming he needed the break to get his priorities right. I’m glad he chose you and the children xoxo
Funny. In every laughs we made there is always sadness. I agree with you here about this and thanks a lot for sharing this wonderful information!
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