In the midst of being used as a jungle gym, whilst simultaneously tweeting, instagramming and facebooking, I came across this:
Care of the lovely, amazing and beautiful Natalie from Mummy Smiles who entitled this:
“*sigh* This is why I usually don’t read Letters to the Editor. Some people just don’t get it.”
After my initial rage, as expressed through sarcasm:
I thought to myself:
“What would bring Sondra to the place where she felt the need to send that Letter to the Editor?”
And I could only find one conclusion.
Judgement.
I don’t like to be judged for having children – and having three children within 17 months especially.
You could probably say that by percentage of children per years, we would be “contributing significantly to over-population”.
Sondra probably doesn’t like being judged for not having children. Which is fair enough.
–
Dear Sondra,
I am so sorry you feel this way.
Personally, I would never call you selfish.
If you don’t want to have children, and thus have not had any children, then I think you are wise indeed.
Of course, for you, it would have been unwise and one some level, selfish, to have children.
For the starving women in Africa with their starving babies? Not so much.
For someone who doesn’t want children, I’m guessing it’s hard to understand why us “breeders” would.
I won’t tell you about the urgency and the pull I felt to populate the world with my spawn.
I won’t tell you about how empty my arms felt.
I probably won’t even tell you about how full and content my heart feels.
Now that my progeny are scurrying over the Earth, over-populating it.
But I bet you those starving women with their starving babies would tell you about it.
I bet they would tell you how much they love their children, born and unborn.
I bet they would tell you how all they wish is safety and health for their children.
I bet they would even tell you that protecting their children is their number one priority.
That the reason they starve is out of their control.
That they give their children everything. Including their own food.
That the reason they had children is the same reason you didn’t.
Choice.
I’ve said it before and I will say it again:
When it comes to judgement, apparently the best defense is a great offence.
I can’t tell you how damaging and insidious that practice is.
How angry it makes me.
I used to do it.
I used to sit on high and judge all other’s whose choices were different then mine.
And then I got a wake up call.
And realised the only person I was damaging was myself.
And let me be clear. I’m not judging you for not wanting children. I’m “despairing” at your narrow-mindedness and inability to see beyond your own experience.
So, Sondra.
I’m sorry you can’t see past my greed and selfishness.
I’m sorry you feel the need to judge women in third world countries.
Women you’ve never met.
I haven’t met them either. I wish I could.
I’m sorry you can’t see past your own hurt and anger to the other side of the story.
Because I absolutely understand why you wouldn’t want to have children.
They’re messy, filthy, rude little imps at their best. Mine are anyway.
I still wanted them. I still want them.
I understand that your Letter to the Editor was not borne of jealousy.
And that your attitude has been dismissed as such in the past.
I understand that your choice is valid.
I understand that you have the freedom to make the choice.
And the privilege to judge.
I also understand that you will probably never understand me.
And that’s ok.
Next time, though, maybe think twice.
Maybe think about women without a choice.
Without much-wanted, much-loved children.
And think about how a comment like that would make them feel.
If I had read your comment four years ago, it’s entirely likely I would have found my way to Burpengary and called you out on your comfortably smug, judge-judy asshole-ism.
Your parents probably would have been fairly upset though.
Seeing as they {so selfishly} gave you life.
Well said Daisy, well said.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Maria Tedeschi (Mum’s Word) recently posted..NEWS THIS WEEK 17 APRIL 2012
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Daisy recently posted..“People who contribute significantly to over-population are the selfish ones.”
*Claps loudly*
That is all
*Bows deeply and air kisses*
Daisy recently posted..“People who contribute significantly to over-population are the selfish ones.”
Please tell me you are sending this to the paper that Sondra sent her letter to!!!!!!
I don’t even know what paper it is out of Traci! But thank you!
Daisy recently posted..“People who contribute significantly to over-population are the selfish ones.”
Well said!! Gosh, there is so much wrong with Sondra’s letter (yes, maybe I’m being judgey too – but not narrow-minded or uneducated.) Awesome Daisy.x
Debbie @ Aspiring Mum recently posted..Motherhood and The Empty Room.
I’m with you all the way Debbie! We all judge (hell, this post is all about judging and being judged), it’s how we handle our judgements and use them that matters. Narrow-mindedness to me is like a red flag to a bull!
Daisy recently posted..“People who contribute significantly to over-population are the selfish ones.”
Brilliant, Daisy.
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Daisy recently posted..“People who contribute significantly to over-population are the selfish ones.”
Daisy, I am behind you all the way with this until you brought in Judge Judy.
Please do not use Judge Judy’s name in vain!!
Cranky
Cranky Old Man recently posted..Atlanta – THE FIGHTING PICKLES
I like to think of it more as invoking rather than taking Her name in vain!
Common turn of phrase around here is “being a Judge Judy”!
Daisy recently posted..“People who contribute significantly to over-population are the selfish ones.”
Well said Daisy! Wholeheartedly agree! x
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Daisy recently posted..“People who contribute significantly to over-population are the selfish ones.”
Well said!!! I couldn’t agree with you more!!
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Daisy recently posted..“People who contribute significantly to over-population are the selfish ones.”
Not having had my own baby, it actually aches, like I’m missing a part of myself.
That feeling is very uncompromising.
But some people do not have that experience and sometimes it’s because they are no meant too.
oxox
Hannah recently posted..I Tell All The Kids…
I understand that feeling. Uncompromising is a perfect description.
Daisy recently posted..“People who contribute significantly to over-population are the selfish ones.”
Here here! I too am disgustingly selfish….
Oh no I’m not. My kids are awesome and the world is a better place for having them in it.
Jess recently posted..Here We Go Round Again
hear hear!
Daisy recently posted..“People who contribute significantly to over-population are the selfish ones.”
It’s amazing to me that some people can’t just have empathy, but they have to blame someone for something. Something along the lines of it must be the African’s fault there’s so many of them and not enough food!
I also ask how many women in Africa have access to family planning/ contraception if they choose to do so.
Some people truly have their head in the sand. xx
Lee recently posted..29/52 Huffy
Exactly Lee – I was so angry on so many levels when I first saw this!
Daisy recently posted..“People who contribute significantly to over-population are the selfish ones.”
Well said Daisy, when did it become so difficult to put forward your own argument without insulting or judging others?
Carli@tinysavages recently posted..Inappropriate touching – The “waist caress”
Exactly. Yes!
Daisy recently posted..“People who contribute significantly to over-population are the selfish ones.”
Isn’t it funny how some are judged for having “too many” children while others (like me) are judged for not having enough! (One child by choice here.) Interestingly, my most passionate defenders have been mums with 3 or more kids!)
Ugh, the one child family judgement really urks me!!!
Daisy recently posted..“People who contribute significantly to over-population are the selfish ones.”
I was recently called selfish for only having one child, for not giving my son a sibling. Fark me. I would say people who don’t want kids and don’t have them, that is the most UNSELFISH thing you can do. But like you have your choice, let others have theirs, and but the F out of their lives. I wish people would just let others live their own lives and for the love of all things peaceful, NOT have an opinion about it! Or if you do have one, keep it to yourself. Man. WTH do the women in Africa have to do with her argument anyway? Is she saying they do it on purpose? That they have so many other choices?Last I knew birth control, safe sex (heck even consensual sex) wasn’t the most prominent in 3rd world countries?!!?!?
Aroha @ Colours of Sunset recently posted..Thankful Thursday. The Men In My Life Edition.
All I can say is: YES!
Loved it! Thanks for this post. I totally agree with you
Thanks Lisa!
Daisy recently posted..“People who contribute significantly to over-population are the selfish ones.”
Great response Daisy – the world is a much better place for having people like you in it!
Aw thanks My!
Daisy recently posted..“People who contribute significantly to over-population are the selfish ones.”
Oh snap Sondra! Way to tell it like it is Daisy.
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Daisy recently posted..“People who contribute significantly to over-population are the selfish ones.”
Your idea is so brilliant. it is very true and well said daisy! I love your idea on this post.
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Daisy recently posted..“People who contribute significantly to over-population are the selfish ones.”
Great post Daisy. I had very similar thoughts reading the comment section on an article about the Duggars (you know the US family with 19 kids?). Sure, they are a larger-than-average family, and it is probably a good thing that most people DON’T have that many children, but they are doing a mighty fine job of it, supporting themselves, raising great kids (as far as a TV show can show), and not judging anyone else who chooses NOT to have a lot of kids… Unfortunately, the same courtesies are not shown to them in return.
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Thanks Julie! Yes! The Duggars are a perfect example! They don’t go around wailing on people for not having children!
Daisy recently posted..“People who contribute significantly to over-population are the selfish ones.”
Beautifully done.
xxx
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Daisy recently posted..“People who contribute significantly to over-population are the selfish ones.”
You did very beautiful in this link..I really appreciate it..Thanks for sharing with us..
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If you had triplets I think Sondra might faint.
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Or at the very least I would hope she would write another letter to the editor!
The other scenario is that Sondra was never able to have children and in her grief she has become bitter towards those who have been able to not only have 1 child, but to have several. Who knows what battles she has fought? Just a shame she would air it like this.
Aroha @ Colours of Sunset recently posted..Thankful Thursday. The Men In My Life Edition.
It did cross my mind, but I felt that whatever her reasons, this really was such a narrow minded point of view. Like you said in your other comment – blaming women in Africa for their children starving? Sondra’s letter was loaded with assumptions. She’s probably already written a letter about that queue of refugees getting shunted by boat people!
Great post! I totally agree! Judging others insures that you get to walk a mile in their shoes. I’ll bet that woman turns up pregnant tomorrow…HA!
Jennifer Worrell recently posted..PETA Called–They Want Their Gerbil Back
Haha! I don’t think she’d be broadcasting it in her next letter to the editor for some reason…
*applause*
This is brilliant and so well said – well done!!
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Her argument is a little like saying “Eat everything on your plate; there are people starving in this world.” Us not having children is not going to help starving babies. But she does say contribute significantly to overpopulation. Perhaps she’s talking about Octomum?
Rachel @ The Kids Are All Right recently posted..I don’t want to have sex with your daughter
GO Daisy! You have a way with words! I hate it when people say that people who choose not to have children are ‘selfish’. It’s so judgey and narrow-minded. And I’d never thought that I was perhaps I was the selfish one! Yikes!
Fiona @ My Mummy Daze recently posted..Pangs of grief. Remembering my soldier.
I guess what Sondra meant are those mothers who have children enough to form a sports team without any capacity or means to ensure that they grow up healthy, properly and with dignity.
Being a parent is one. To be unable to support a child is simply heartless.
Samantha recently posted..blue maternity scrubs
This is so outrageous. Being a mother is a gift from God. We can’t ask people to refrain from bringing into their lives the miracles called babies…
Debi recently posted..LPN Salary
I think the focus should be on helping those African people to drive-up their wealth. Not to place even more constraints on them…Oh, well…
Cindy recently posted..Car Seat Reviews
Oh my gosh, I am selfish, too. But I think I can handle it:) You did it really elegant!
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What a post! You’ve put words to my awkward feelings about her note that I could not locate myself for the life of me. Very insightful of you. Very. You’ve made me go back and re-read her note several times to try and get a handle on what she might be saying between the lines. Starting off with, “I never wanted children”, says a lot. Not quite sure what her definition of “…contribute significantly to overpopulation” is. And her final “despair” doesn’t really explain how her thought processes are connecting. I assume she means instead of have our own kids, adopt the ones from Africa? Take them away from their families? Sorry for the ramble. Going back to my first point; you said it all so much more eloquently me than I can/have.
Veronica @ Mixed Gems recently posted..“I’m not racist, but…..” – Nature or Nurture?
Oh my god, such a shocking day…I’ve just got to know that I’m selfish… And what would I be, if I had no children just because of me and my career? OK, I understand it. If I had to check the homework of my little son, I am more selfish than if I were drinking cocktails at a nightclub. But I think I can live with my selfishness. I accept it as a mothers’ guilt.
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