Hot angry tears. The kind that you told yourself you didn’t have time for only 5 minutes ago.
The kind of tears that solve nothing but to remind you that you are having a hard day.
Useless, hot, angry and despairing tears.
You know it’s going to be funny one day.
You know that it’s going to be funny the minute you tell someone else what happened.
But right now, you are so emotionally and physically spent there is only room for useless, hot, angry and despairing tears.
Your husband walks in the door and is immediately concerned.
Coming home and seeing one’s wife crying is possibly not the norm in your house.
He asks you what is wrong and you know as the words come out of your mouth that he is going to laugh.
At you, at your reasons and at the situation.
If you were him you would laugh too.
But right now you feel like your soul is being smashed into pieces by the minituae of your life with three small children.
It’s the two year old twin boys that get you the most. The indescribably constance of their activity.
They couldn’t stop if they even knew how.
So much learning and evolving and growing up to do. Together.
It must be difficult for them – competing for attention, space and the right to learn something new.
With each other. With their sister.
You understand their position. They are 2, after all.
They want to have fun.
But does fun have to include climbing on top of your only space in the house out of reach? The space where you keep the remote control, the printer and the glass you are too lazy to haven’t had a chance to take to the kitchen yet?
One opened the drawers to the computer table, climbed from them onto the chair, onto the desk, onto the breakfast bar height bench, onto the printer. Pushed and smashed nearly everything to the ground, except the printer.
The other got as far as sitting on the edge on the desk, and the look of triumph on his face was priceless.
Meanwhile their sister found her way onto the chair, turned on the speakers, and smashed at the keyboard to hear the computer blip and groan in protest.
All in the space of time it took you to go to the kitchen, cut up an apple and make three peanut butter sandwiches and cut off the crusts.
Because you were trying to be a nice mum.
And you didn’t cry. You cleaned up, made sure no one had cut feet from the smashed glass. Changed nappies, put the twins to bed and set the girl up with the play-dough you made her yesterday and all the accessories.
You realise this is actually a milestone – the discovery that their limbs obey their will and that no frontier is out of reach.
But you are so defeated you can’t do anything more than dread tomorrow. Because what on earth else could possibly go wrong today?
And then only three hours later your question is answered.
Once again you dare to leave the room for longer than the two minutes you allow yourself for toilet breaks.
You hear crying and screaming, followed by: “Having a BATH!”
Your head tells you: “surely not”. Your heart hopes: “Please no”. But your mother’s intuition knows.
You enter the room to find one twin crying and kicking around on the ground.
Your daughter is sitting on her knees, ever so carefully tipping the last and final drink bottle into the empty toy box.
In which the other twin is sitting, splashing and enjoying himself immensely.
In as much juice as three drink bottles hold.
You don’t bath him. You wipe him down with baby wipes and hope that serves him a lesson.
How dare he have fun and leave you with the clean up?
Who does he think you are? His mother?
And then you remember that you are his mother and this is your job. Your life.
That you wished for it, prayed for it.
Prayed you wouldn’t have your children taken from you.
Hoped desperately this would be your fate when all the signs screamed at you that chances were, you would lose one of them.
And you know you are grateful. That every day is a blessing. You cherish these children with all of your being.
But you cry your hot, angry, useless and despairing tears.
Because today is hard. It is tiring. And it’s only one day of the many you will spend parenting and doing your best to keep them safe.
And because no matter how unintentionally, today your children were hard.
Tomorrow, you will get up and do it again. They will most probably do it again.
They will win this battle. They will win many more.
But you will win the war. They will grow. They will live their lives as independent, decent human beings.
And you will survive.
I only have one 2.5 year old and another one due in 12 weeks and I so get where you are coming from! … Those days where they and everything else seems to get on top of you and a big deep breath won’t even bring relief and then you feel a tad guilty cause you should be grateful you are lucky enough to have kids and you are but you’re just so exhausted by them!
Hey… We’re obly human
EXACTLY Deanna! So grateful yet SO exhausted. We are only human!
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
It all starts to get easier when they turn 25!
cranky
Cranky Old Man recently posted..THE CUCKOO CLOCK II
Only 22 years, 337 days to go…
Thanks Cranky!
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
Teamwork. Such a revered term… until it comes to twin toddlers. They learn this skill at an earlier age then their singleton playmates and unfortunately… they use it for hijinks. I know. My twins once carried a chair out to the balcony together and I watched just to see what they had planned. One held the chair and gave the other one a leg up (at which point I stopped her) so that she could “see better.” Double trouble indeed. x
Misha recently posted..Slice
I know right? They learn teamwork early and then perfect the art!
OhMyGoodness! Chairs and leg ups scare me! Do you think it’s ok to remove all furniture from my house except cushions and the TV?
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
Yep, I would be crying the hottest, angriest tears too!
And it’s ok to cry those tears, because some days are so bloody long. And hard!
I’m a big fan of just getting the tears out.
Pretty sure I’ll live longer for it
You’re amazing Daisy, you must be flipping EXHAUSTED, but you’re amazing xx
Thankyou Cherie xx
I HATE crying, but geez I felt better afterwards!
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
Oh Daisy, cry away hun, there are days like this, a lot, and the kicker is how gorgeous they look when asleep or give you unexpected kisses and cuddles. The parenting gig is hard work but know you have “virtual” support all around you xx
Beth @ AchooYou recently posted..New Beginnings
There are so many perks, and I always do my best to see the sliver lining. Yesterday was REALLY hard/
Thank you Beth xx
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
You will win the war, you will. Just hide the butter, I tell you.
I know those days, they never seem to end, EBBER!
Gemma @ My Big Nutshell recently posted..The Orchard
Oh God, the butter! Mmmm, buttery baby goodness…
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
As they say, as fast as the years fly by, some days the minutes, hours just crawl by. Sounds like you had one of those days, as every. Single. Mother does (whether they’ll admit it or…not)
Thank you Kelly. I think I had to write this post – I couldn’t let it go by and still have this be the “real” account of our life. Of most Mum’s lives too, I’m finding!
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
Oh lovely! I love this post. So real and so honest. You know you are not alone in how you are feeling and what you are going through. Things will get better and easier. I think you are doing an sensational job mothering your cherubs. They are so busy and learning so much it is hard to keep up with them some days. Let it all go and just enjoy your time with them. I know they drive you crazy but one day you will miss this stage. Small comfort I know but continue to let those tears flow. They saved me many, many days. N x
I am going to become the QUEEN of “wooo-saaaahhhh”. Big breaths. Thank you for all your support Naomi – it’s SO amazing to know there are others out there who understand without judging.
Some days it’s so hard, but EVERY day it’s amazing, and I wouldn’t give it up for the all the world.
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
Oh Daisy. I would cry too. Xx
The mother experIment recently posted..“The Artist” DVD review and giveaway
Thanks for the support Karlee xx
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
some days are just so long and don’t seem like they will end. Crying is only normal in these moments. One day we will laugh… in the moment we cry because there is nothing else we know what to do… other then carry on and survive as you say. And then hope the next day is better xx
tahlia – the parenting files recently posted..easy veal slow cooker recipe
And thank goodness today (so far) IS better, is all I can say.
Thanks Tahlia – I hope to laugh in real life with you one day again soon!
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
Yeah , you are right Tahlia. Cry and cry and then you can laugh at it.
Mercy Bates recently posted..Tips To Help Ease The Symptoms Of Arthritis
Oh honey the stories i could tell …… the twins used to get up to the most trouble and mischief ever …… Some i have pushed deep deep down and sometimes look back at them and i do have a chuckle other times it still brings a tear to my eye , Kids are meant to keep us on our toes u know we aren’t meant to have toilet breaks right ???
LOL I know, but I just can’t come at a nappy, Jeni! I think if it had been while I was at the loo I could cope, but the ungrateful little elves did it while I was making THEM food!!! I mean far out!
Haha, I bet your girls were serious trouble! Miss you xx
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
Did i ever tell you about the time one of them who shall remain nameless wrote off my car ???? True story
Jeni recently posted..An interview with Holly from Or Elsie & Puppy Dogs Tails
Oh my dear lord. Wrote off your car?? I NEED to hear that story!
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
You’re amazing Daisy! Stronger than you think!
I would cry too! Big fan of a good cry – best way to get all that caught up emotional tension out!
Oh and I tell you often – but seriously you’re a fab writer! Xx
Thank you Elisa. I do my best! Writing and parenting xx
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
I know those days well, I had one just last week that involved flying custard and an ice tray being up-ended. Thanks for reminding me I’m not alone x
Carli recently posted..the pick me up
Flying custard sounds like an awesome name for a band. Maybe we just need to channel their energies into something more productive. Like starting a band called Flying Custard.
Or, we can just be happy that we aren’t alone xx
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
As I was reading this, I could only imagine Thing 1 and Thing 2 from Dr Seuss getting up to mischief!! Like you said, one day you will think it’s funny – but in the meantime, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with crying. I’ve felt those hot, angry tears many times. It certainly helps.
Debbie @ Aspiring Mum recently posted..Mid-Year Check-Up
Oh Debbie, it really is! You turn your back for a second and one is into one thing, and you go to deal with him and the other is into something else! It’s ridiculous! It’s like one of those silent films where the factory worker is at the conveyor belt and they keep making it faster and faster and in the end the poor factory guy is covered in pie or cereal or whatever!
That crying business is totally underrated! I have always HATED crying, and I did have a headache afterwards. BUT I got it out of my system and feel much better today xx
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
I LOVE these lines..
“They will win this battle. They will win many more.
But you will win the war. They will grow. They will live their lives as independent, decent human beings.”
That makes me feel so much better about having bad days, bursting into tears of relief when the hubby walks in the door and spending the day in my jim jams along with the kids. We will win the war! Love it. xxx
We will win!!
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
You cry Daisy.. some days are diamonds and some days are truly stones!! hears to a better day tomorrow! xx
Mum’s the Word recently posted..Kids and ECA – extra curricular activities
Thank you my darling woman xx
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
I love this post Daisy. So real and honest, and I’m sure so many mothers/parents can relate to that feeling when those tears come. Hoping tomorrow brings more laughter than tears xx
Jane @ The Hesitant Housewife recently posted..A Father on Paper. Part One.
Thank you Jane xx
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
I admire you Daisy. I only have one and I have these kind of days… almost enough to stop trying for the second, wondering how I will cope.
Then I get an “I love you mummy” out of the blue and it makes it ok again….
thanks for the post….
It really does make it ok again, doesn’t it? I’m always surprised at how quickly we all seem to recover from a day like this. Even if I do get a little bit of extra help from my friend Gin…
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
This…
This is awesome. Honest, brutal, funny (sorry! but you have a way with words) and TRUE!
My kids kick my arse most days. I can’t wait for bed time most days. I can’t wait to have a glass of red most
daysnights. But I love them endlessly every day and try to be a little kind to myself on the days I don’t actually LIKE them very much.Brooke {Slow Your Home} recently posted..How To Make Your Own {Green} Carpet Deodoriser
Haha, I know it’s funny! It wasn’t yesterday though!
Oh, I am with you on the red. Except I like white. Or gin. Mostly Gin…
I think it’s so important to do as you say, and be kind to yourself.
I did my best not to beat myself up about my parenting yesterday, and really focus on just getting through, and it certainly helped!
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
yeap I hear you. I talked today about how I’m not the mother I thought I would be. I think we imagine this picture perfect existance, which is so unreal, but reality quickly puts us back in our place.
Mandy recently posted..I’m not the Mother I thought I’d be!
Exactly Mandy xx
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
These days just suck and it is not fair that they are tag teaming you in their antics.
When I have these kind of days I always hear my Dad’s words in my head ‘What doesn’t breaks you, makes you stronger’, I figure by the time kids move out of home I’ll be an Iron Man!
I know! It’s totally unfair two on one action!!
Haha, we are going to be totes iron men at the end of all of this Nat!
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
I hope you’re laughing about it already love.
You do one helluva job there.
You know, corporately, I would give you the office with the view and a fuel card in recognition of the last two years.
I hope a sneaky biscuit in the pantry will suffice.
xxxx.
Mum on the Run recently posted..When Did You Become A Mum?
Thank you Shar! I am laughing on the inside a little bit still. But the office with the view and fuel card are totally making it better xx
Daisy recently posted..One day you’ll look back and laugh at this…
Love this, I couldn’t help but smile, even though I have felt that exact same way!
I’m smiling now! Ugh, it can be so tough!
Daisy recently posted..{Easy Peasy Cheater Rita} Apple & Cinnamon Scroll {plus a bonus garlic pizza recipe!).
I admire you Daisy. I only have one and I have these kind of days…
Oh lovely! I love this post. So real and so honest. You know you are not alone in how you are feeling and what you are going through.
Thanks Simone!
Daisy recently posted..{Easy Peasy Cheater Rita} Apple & Cinnamon Scroll {plus a bonus garlic pizza recipe!).
Snap. You should head over and read my last two posts. Says it all!
Laney @ Crash Test Mummy recently posted..Help me write the truth about being a SAHM: Part 2
I am on my way right now!
Daisy recently posted..{Easy Peasy Cheater Rita} Apple & Cinnamon Scroll {plus a bonus garlic pizza recipe!).
Huge, HUGE hugs. I get this. Although for me, it’s been a journey with all my children… and the memory of nearly losing my eldest. xxXOoo
CJ recently posted..Confession time.
Oh CJ, I feel for you xx
Daisy recently posted..{Easy Peasy Cheater Rita} Apple & Cinnamon Scroll {plus a bonus garlic pizza recipe!).
I could relate to every word of your post. In fact the scenarios are almost identical to what my two have achieved (except the one that got on the printer actually pulled the printer down on herself – scary!). I could also relate to the ‘constant watch’ – the 2 minute toilet break, the ‘not taking your eye off them’ ever! It’s exhausting! I think it’s okay to feel the hardness of it, and to cry hot angry tears. I think it’s necessary. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. I love your compassion for your children – knowing their development norms. I love the way you see the big picture.
Deb @ Bright & Precious recently posted..One of Our Own
Thanks Deb – it’s hard, and I don’t often see the trees for the forest, until I write them all down.
Oh god, is little Miss ok???
Daisy recently posted..{Easy Peasy Cheater Rita} Apple & Cinnamon Scroll {plus a bonus garlic pizza recipe!).
Yes, Daisy, she’s ok! This happened 20 months ago – just before Mr J was born… was so scary at the time though.
Deb @ Bright & Precious recently posted..One of Our Own
Oh My God! Its seriously as though I wrote that! And I have written a few posts VERY similar lately. We have 4 kids aged 4 and under, our twins are 2, and honestly test me , every.single.day. I love them dearly, but its hard work. Its relentless. Its tiring and its an emotional rollercoaster. But you ARE doing an AMAZING job! Remember that xo Sending you love
Liz recently posted..The Christening
The pic is so nice. I would definitely love on this situation. The two cute babies are so worried on what happened to them. For sure if I will see this in real I would definitely laugh and at the same time worried on these two babies.
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