Wanting one’s children to wake up isn’t a problem many parents struggle with.
Usually, a sleeping child is the best kind.
However, in my experience, the one day a week you have plans is the one day a week the children will actually decide it’s a good day for sleeping.
So, here are Eleven Ways to Wake Kids Up.
1. Answer the phone. The phone can ring and ring and eventually ring out with no results. But if you answer that thing, say hello and even think about having a conversation, those kids will be awake within seconds.
2. Go to bed. For a nap. For the night. Whenever. But every time I even think about sleep my children sense it and wake up. Immediately. Especially at 10:30pm. I could set my watch to my kids waking at 10:30, just as I start thinking about bedtime.
3. Try and have sex with your spouse. Morning, noon or night, if Pal and I try and get it on, one or all of our kids are awake before we can even raise our eyebrows, let alone lock lips.
4. Sit down with a cup of tea or hot coffee. Your relaxation is key. Only when you are fully relaxed and settled will your children wake up.
5. Make yourself some food. They’ll smell it and wake up because how dare you eat without giving them any?
6. Attempt any kind of recreation. Read a book. Watch TV or a movie. Exercise videos. Internet. Blog writing. Adult conversation. All will tickle those toddler spidey senses and the kids will be awake within minutes.
7. Shower. Because clean parents imply they haven’t enough to do. And toddler task masters are unimpressed by parents who aren’t busy. This is proved by the fact that as soon as you think your day to day life with toddlers couldn’t get busier, It does. Two-fold.
8. Try to leave the house. To go to the mailbox. To go to the clothes line. To go out for dinner leaving the children with a babysitter. This is a gaol, run by toddler guards with CCTV watching your every move. Attempting escape is futile.
9. Tell anyone, including yourself or the Internet, “The children are asleep.” Also mentioning that you hope the children sleep a little longer speeds up the waking up process.
10. Offer another child an activity, some food or drink, or get out something new or different for them to watch/play with. Missing out is against the toddler religion and toddlers are programmed to wake if the possibility of missing out presents itself.
11. If all else fails, open the door and allow any other children to wander in and out of the room. Nothing annoys an awake child more than a sleeping child, and they will soon remedy the situation.