The penis is a strange thing. Aside from the logistics of walking around with that in your pants, it also looks pretty comical.
I’m not trying to reduce any man’s confidence when I say this. But it is true.
I mean, men, you’ve been looking at it your whole life. Surely you know by now?
I’m not saying female genitalia has much to respond with, but at least it’s not dangling all on out there.
Anyway, a somewhat comical appearance leads to some pretty comical names.
Wang. Willy. Little Willy. Free Willy.
Schlong. Cock (a doodle doo).
Member (of what club? Do they get a card?)
Battered Sav/Dagwood Dog. Weiner. Kransky. Meat Popsicle. Pork sword.
Trouser Snake. Cucumber. Tossle. Pecker. Lizard. Magic wand. Tonsil tickler. Heat seeking love missile. Joy stick. Little soldier. Anaconda.
The list goes on.
Despite being fairly accurate with names in this house, and avoiding colloquial terms for penis and vagina, the Two have begun to refer to their own as “doodoos”, which is not a far cry from doodle. Which I also find hard to take seriously.
But this all is nothing compared to a term I heard recently.
Scene: early morning, I am still in bed. Pal has walked back into the bedroom after his shower, with Roo hot on his heels. As he dries himself:
“You have nice shower, Dad?”
She starts to laugh.
“Look Daddy! You have banana bottom!”
It takes me a moment. And then I start laughing.
I don’t think I’ve stopped since.
“Ladies, all the colloquial terms for a penis you know – go!”
And received upwards of 30 replies within 20 minutes.
What do you call penises (penii?) in your house? Do you call them anything or avoid all talk for fear of snorting with silent laughter? Or are you more mature than me? Perhaps banana bottom is the right term for your home? Discuss.