The penis is a strange thing. Aside from the logistics of walking around with that in your pants, it also looks pretty comical.
I’m not trying to reduce any man’s confidence when I say this. But it is true.
I mean, men, you’ve been looking at it your whole life. Surely you know by now?
I’m not saying female genitalia has much to respond with, but at least it’s not dangling all on out there.
Anyway, a somewhat comical appearance leads to some pretty comical names.
Wang. Willy. Little Willy. Free Willy.
Schlong. Cock (a doodle doo).
Member (of what club? Do they get a card?)
Battered Sav/Dagwood Dog. Weiner. Kransky. Meat Popsicle. Pork sword.
Trouser Snake. Cucumber. Tossle. Pecker. Lizard. Magic wand. Tonsil tickler. Heat seeking love missile. Joy stick. Little soldier. Anaconda.
The list goes on.
Despite being fairly accurate with names in this house, and avoiding colloquial terms for penis and vagina, the Two have begun to refer to their own as “doodoos”, which is not a far cry from doodle. Which I also find hard to take seriously.
But this all is nothing compared to a term I heard recently.
Scene: early morning, I am still in bed. Pal has walked back into the bedroom after his shower, with Roo hot on his heels. As he dries himself:
“You have nice shower, Dad?”
“Yes, Rory.”
She starts to laugh.
And point.
“Look Daddy! You have banana bottom!”
It takes me a moment. And then I start laughing.
I don’t think I’ve stopped since.
A special thanks goes to Jess, Erin and Gemma (and their husbands) whom I texted at 10:30 last night:
“Ladies, all the colloquial terms for a penis you know – go!”
And received upwards of 30 replies within 20 minutes.
What do you call penises (penii?) in your house? Do you call them anything or avoid all talk for fear of snorting with silent laughter? Or are you more mature than me? Perhaps banana bottom is the right term for your home? Discuss.
Clearly we all have todger on the brain! I think pork sword is my favourite
Erin @ Eat Play Bond recently posted..The Baby Ceiling
It’s one of mine too, Erin!
When Tannah was about Roo’s age she spotted Luke in the shower and stopped & pointed in horror. She sees us naked all the time so I was surprised but the convo went like this
“DADDY what is that!”
“it’s my penis, you know that”
“no no BEHIND that” she has a look of absolute disgust on her face
“they’re my balls” he’s dying of embarrassment now
“WHY?”
I’m telling this story at her 21st
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Oh that is classic! When people talk about the rewards of motherhood, it really is the embarrassing stories for 21sts.
Ha ha – banana bottom!!!
(As opposed to a peach??!)
Just posted about ‘willies’ too!
xx
Must be the day for it!
Magoo has just begun to include ‘willies’ in his portraits of men – he’s all about authenticity.
Need to get cracking on the ‘how to draw clothing’ course before he hits kindy full time next year!
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She told me mine was an apple, but I think she knew by then she was being funny!
Oooh, anatomically correct! Roo is still drawing blobs with 8 legs and calling them Mummy!
Ohh I loved this. Thanks for making me LOL on this bleak morning. We call it a willy. I actually find the word penis funny. Maybe it’s a adolescent sex education thing?!
Maybe. I don’t think there is anything you can call a penis that doesn’t make me giggle!
Bahaha banana bottom…good one Roo.
Well, we have 5 penises here so the topic is discussed often. When they were smaller the general terms were penis (me), willy (dad), doodle, peepee, winglewangle (huh?) dickiebird, etc (them). Now the boys are older, 9 to 15, and they get all sorts of names, most are too vulgar to mention. Boys are disgusting. In so many ways.
Sally, you are not inspiring me with confidence for the future, you know…
Haha, I seriously am not equipped to deal with these discussions without laughing!!
Oh Daisy, you have no idea what’s ahead for you.
Men and women are different, really different. Your boys, this includes Pal, will do stuff, or talk about stuff, and you and Roo will just look at each other in disbelief. Much the same way they will look at you at times
My biggest tip in raising the male species is give them a “man cave”. They can do all their disgusting things in there and when they come out they are less weird. Sometimes.
I am speechless!!
manmeat, tallywacker, wang, Tom thumb (that’s a little personal).
Ah the heat seeking love missile. Many wars have been waged I’m sure over who has the biggest one!
They’re just plain ol’ penises around here!
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Being that I am childcare qualified we’re meant to say the right names of our body parts. So I did start off by saying penis and vagina to Riley, but over the year, Riley has picked it up as ‘doodle’. I don’t correct him too much, but when i speak about both i will still say penis and vagina.
My sister and I grew up with doodle and wee wee (vagina)
The first time Alexis and William had a bath together she pointed to his penis and did an elephant call complete with moving her arm up and down like a trunk. Then she was told it was a penis. SO when dad was making play doh people Alexis insisted William’s have a penis. If a twenty m
Accidentally hit submit… 20 m
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GRrrr. 20 month old can say penis but some adults find it too funny to say. Bizarre ey.
Frank n beans? Sausage? Hose? Package?
But yeah banana bottom, that’s a good one
Http://www.themotherexperiment.com recently posted..When life hands you lemons
My nephew calls his whole setup his ‘lolly bag’
Our boy is only 1 but my girls have asked ‘what’s wrong with his bottom?’ as yet it has no name…. Maybe banana bottom will be it! Haha
Laughing so hard. Very funny post and comments. One fav was (is) Prince Alfred!!!
One of our friends here down south had a yacht called ‘Pulsating Love Tunnel’. He was asked by the club to change it. Wonder why!
Too funny! Love banana bottom! Ours was always Willy, but then when I had a son and called him Will (often Willy) it was a bit strange. ‘Noodle’ is a popular one here too!
The whole package has been referred to as boy bits at our house. It is quite useful in public when DD often says things like “ooh that doggy is licking its boy bits.” not sure why my husband took that route but it seems to have stuck. Although she does refer to her own boy bits so I think it is quite an inclusive term in her 30 month old mind.
Hilarious!! unfortuanely my poor tired brain can not offer up any additional suggestions! funniest thing i’ve read all day and some gems in the comments too! x
Catherine Rodie Blagg (Cup of Tea and a Blog) recently posted..How to spot a Zombie
I grew up with it being referred to, as rarely as we did in a house of mainly females, as a Toddle.
Imagine then my confusion when in Year 6 we had a new boy at school called Todd.
Imagine my amusement when in 2000 that boy called Todd ended up winning gold at the Sydney Olympics.
Banana Bottom! That is hilarious – the joys of having children – I will definately need help when I end up having kids
Oh my God….as the mother of 4 sons, I am rolling on the floor laughing right now!!! Can’t even remember from when they were really young….peeney, I think. Now they are between 12 and 21, so the conversation is different. Dick ( a classic — when they are talking to each other), and “the boys” or “junk” in conversation with me…yes, even at their age, it still comes up (no pun intended) in conversation….like when I discuss the “no glove, no love” policy with those that are “of age” ~ and yes, I say it to their faces…usually over dinner or while driving in the car ~ I actually remind them that doubling up is not a bad idea!!! The funniest thing I ever read on this topic was something I found when I was looking to buy my youngest son (who is 12, and a serious dancer) his first dance belt…here’s the link…too funny, especially the “How to wear” section…. http://www.dancebelt.info/17165091C1D94631B10E/the-complete-guide-to-dance/
Thanks for my chuckle (snorts included) for the day!!!
Elise
For some reason in my family we called penises percy. My dad has a warped sense of humour. In this house we use proper names, but I do accidentally call it a “little winky” occasionally. Not for Mr J of course! Baby J.
Hilarious post Daisy … I love how kids are so innocent and will ask ANYTHING!
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Wow! I just can’t stop laughing, that’s the most unique and funniest definition I have ever heard! Banana bottoms… you have really made my day with this!:)
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Haha… Must say I have not had this conversation yet but can only imagine what will soon happen ! x
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A girlfriend of mine has three boys aged 5 and under.That makes 4 male members in the household, including her husband. The boys laugh at her and say “Mum, you haven’t got a willy”. I’m sure she has got an insane case of penis envy (Not!).
BTW: I love the Roy and HG euphemisms – Bed Flute and Wedding Tackle.
Thanks for the very funny post.
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