They held me captive for 9 months via their umbilical cords.
I barely ate.
I was sick all.the.time.
Sleep was a luxury despite being constantly exhausted.
I was uncomfortable.
I had terrible heart burn.
Since they have arrived earthside, they have tormented me and tried to teach me I am their slave.
I haven’t been broken yet.
This mornings torture started at 5am (after a full night of feeding the littlest one) when the middle one ran into my room and pronounced a poo in her night time nappy. There was more to it then her night time pull up could hold. I delicately cleaned the area, insuring no spillage, and as I moved to put the nappy in the bin, the contents fell to the floor, hitting the wall on the way down.
After I cleaned up, I discovered the middle one had woken their leader from her slumber. I begrudgingly handed them both iDevices and headed back to bed where the youngest one spent the next hour pinching my face and putting her fingers up my nose.
I got out of bed. Conceded their demands and made them breakfast. Two slices of fruit toast and a big bowl of yoghurt with strawberries, muesli and sultanas. The leader of the pack “accidentally” spilled her entire bowl of yoghurt, muesli, strawberries and sultanas on the floor. I cleaned it up and refreshed her bowl.
Then the middle one forgot she is toilet trained and wee’d everywhere. The crime scene was extensive because apparently she was upset by her own bodily functions so ran around the meals area as she relieved herself. As I was cleaning the scene, she decided to “help” and wipe her wee off the stool, using her hand, spreading the liquid far and wide.
Cleaned that mess up, cleaned her up, sat her back at the bench to resume her breakfast feast when she spilled over half her bowl of yoghurt, muesli and sultanas. Luckily there were no strawberries in her bowl because she decided today she doesn’t like strawberries.
It’s 6:30am and coffee is yet to grace my lips.
I am a Mum and this is my life!
Luckily for them I wouldn’t have it any other way*.
*Unless I could afford a full-time cleaner. Then I’d happily pay someone to clean the mess and I’d have clean floors and windows and doors and walls…
What forms of torture are you regularly subjected to at your house?