Sometimes I look back at myself a year ago and can’t for the life of me figure out who that was.
Other times, I know I’m the same.
It seems so much has changed, and yet so little.
Did you know my kids are 5 and 6 now? I have no more toddlers.
Its so odd and weird and WONDERFUL – mostly because I deal with a lot less poo on a daily basis – yet still so challenging and exhausting.
I work now. Yep. I’m a working (out of the home) mother.
Me. Working. Except for in this moment when I was taking a selfie, obviously…
Three days a week.
The other days I work in the home. I work really hard.
At not going batshit crazy because OMG I don’t want to make any more sandwiches right now, ok???
Ok. Fine. One more. But after that you’re not having anything else to eat for AT LEAST an hour.
Yeah, that growing boy adage? TRUE.
I’m finding working to be a new brand of busy than staying home was. It’s not harder, or worse, or better. Just a completely different world of logistics.
You know, I never felt guilty dropping Roo at school when I was a stay at home mother.
It wasn’t something that bothered me AT ALL. She needed to go to school, and I needed to take her there and leave.
There was no second thought about it really.
Now as I walk away from her in the playground or at the gate I’m in turmoil. I want to turn back because I know she’s there, looking at me. Watching me leave her.
And I try to make a break for it as soon as I can – not linger because I know lingering only makes her cling and want me to stay more.
I see her little face and the days she doesn’t cry I know she wants to.
I want to cry too.
Our new school is a lovely place though. Some one will almost always take her, hold her, help her up the stairs to her room at the bell.
And that feeling of needing someone to help comfort my children? Its something I’m having to get used to. I’m not sure I’ll ever be comfortable with it.
The Two? Yeah, no. I don’t feel guilty leaving them at daycare.
Nope. Their drop off is filled with massive jumping hugs and nose kisses and big “BYE MUM!”s.
Sometimes there are tears, or a clinger. But as I leave I know they’ll be ok.
They’re hardly ever alone.
Yesterday, Osky had to go to school solo, though.
He gave me an extra tight hug before telling his teacher proudly: “Fraser’s not here today. He’s sick. Its JUST ME!”. Then he bolted off into the playground, his little legs propelling him into the day.
When did they all become such little people?