I have this amazing ability to do the most randomly idiotic things in the most epically fancy of places.
Case in point – I have just arrived home from the Digital Parents Australia Conference in Sydney. Held at Curzon Hall. Fancy, castle, they-put-my-napkin-over-my-lap-for-me Curzon Hall.
Within the gates of Curzon Hall I, in no particular order (chronologically, nor in terms of severity of embarrassment):-
- Fell on my bum. Twice. Once in heels performing some mysterious dance move. If you know the name of said dance move, or have pictorial or video evidence, I do not wish to know or see. However, should you wish to publish evidence of my dance skillz, please feel free. Embarrassing or not, I at least appreciate the humour I am capable of providing.
- Got stuck in a lift. Within five minutes of arriving at my accomodation. There were actually positives to this experience though – a new huge, savior dude friend (Hi Missy!), a free bottle of wine (thanks Stamford Grand) and NOT being the one in the lift trying to pry the doors open with my bare hands. Oh, and also not having to take Essentially Jess to the hospital for crushing her fingers to bloody pulps. This wasn’t actually in Curzon Hall, but was in the fancy-we-gave-you-a-room-overlooking-the-lagoon Stamford Grand Hotel.
- Fell hard and fast, and rather obviously, into three new HUGE *ahem* parenting crushes on Fast Lane Dad and the Tackle Nappy guys. I already have a massive crush on Reservoir Dad after last year’s conference. Also, nearly stole Fast Lane Dad’s cool phone, except the thought of having my own phone stolen took my breath away. And far be it from me to inflict that kind of anxiety on anyone else. I did steal his phone number though, LOOK OUT!
- Killed a ram. In my defense, his innards were put to good use.
I made Mrs. Woog a happy woman and may have cornered an entirely new handmade market in the process.
I’ll sit by and wait for the email orders to roll in…
Photography by CRAP Mamma
- Cracked my iPad screen within five minutes of getting into Sydney. I’m clever like that. And, being as clever as I am, I knew it was best not to mention this incident to Pal until 2am last night, when I arrived home. I tell you, no one forgives you as fast as someone half asleep at 2am in the morning who just wishes you would shut the hell up.
- Set up a Twitter playdate between Pal and Reservior Dad. I figured they could both use somebody to talk to about fitness and weights and sets and reps, etceteras, etceteras. Somebody who cares, I mean.
- Gatecrashed an underage disco. I will not be convinced those children were older than 18. You’d be hard pressed to convince me they were older than 12.
- Snorted too loudly, witch-cackled, forgot my inside voice, talked way too much and pretended I was much cooler than I could ever possibly be. Countless times.
I feel that the only time I DID retain my dignity was when I made the prudent decision NOT to jump on the spring free trampoline in order to win one.
First of all, Tena have still not sponsored me in any way, shape or form. And until they do I will not jump on a trampoline in public.
Secondly, part of the entry was that photographic evidence would be instagrammed and I was wearing a dress and polka dot undies.
Finally, I have one new trampoline set up in my backyard, another still in its box in the garage and I’m just not that greedy.
I am a little upset I didn’t get to have a good jump though.
Tena really need to get their act together.
Who is your new *ahem* parenting crush? When was the last time you embarrassed yourself? Was it in front of over 100 public broadcasters? More importantly, was it worth the laugh afterwards?