Not really, but if I were my friend Davina, I’d be dumping me quick smart!!! Or maybe not, but I’d grumble under my breath for sure!
I got a call around lunch time. Davina (or Vina as Roo calls her, and so we shall also) called and asked what we were up to. Did we want to play?
Um, yes please – come and entertain my toddler with your twin toddlers and all will be right in the world.
Roo loves Vina’s boys, Popper and Earring (that’s how Roo says their names). They are like having the best best friend in the world. Because there are two for the price of one, I am sure. I am not so sure she’ll enjoy the same perks when her brothers are old enough to bug her play anything worth playing for a 2 year old.
So Vina, Popper and Earring come over, bearing gifts of the McDonald’s variety for Roo (chips and a strawberry milkshake, who could ask for more?) but not for me.
Strike one: Rather than politely declining offers of food, make a point of making people feel bad for offering in the first place. Say something like: “No. Because of my diet.” with no other explanation or thanks. Hmmm, awkward! This way, you’re getting yourself in with a chance that you’ll get your child’s strawberry milkshake thrown at you as your friends enter the door, if they even bother coming over! If this doesn’t help you alienate people, head on over to Strike Two.
As the playing escalated, and got rowdy, I offered that when Pal came home for lunch to deliver Precious, we would take the two twin prams and take the children to the park. Forgetting to mention that I meant the park a 15 minute walk away rather than the one down the block. Even though I knew Vina meant the park within a 2 minute radius of her car. When the children had all been fed and locked into prams, Popper, like any self respecting 2 year old, did not want to be in that pram.
Strike Two: Even with a protesting toddler on her hands (which you know all about), it’s best to talk your friend into trekking in the heat to the park 15 minutes away. Because you can lock the children in the park. This sounds very good to your friend and so you take advantage. Taking advantage of your friends is the KEY to losing them.
After the epic trek, a quick detour to procure some lollipops and a fantastic injury and tantrum free play at the park (I know? I know? How? Two women, three 2 year olds and two 1 year olds, no injuries. HOW?) we set off home. Popper was obviously still not into the pram, but sounded like he was losing steam so we powered along. One farmer on the street kindly gentleman enquired as to whether we did in fact have two sets of twins amongst all those children. I was already powering ahead, but heard Vina throw over her shoulder: “Yes! To the same father!”
“Really!?” (the guy almost had a heart attack)
Much cackling and a quick explanation. No. No. Not really. No really, no!
We continued on, Sister Wives with our Brood, and approached the hill.
Strike Three: Walking ahead of your friends, with your big bum jiggling in front of them as you power up a hill may well be great exercise, but possibly one of the least pretty sights they have ever seen. Absolutely a sure fire way to alienate people.
Arrived home, loaded the children into the car (Vina’s) and beds (mine) said our goodbyes and lots of promises to do it again. I’m not so sure Vina will want to…
Strike Four: Writing a blog post about your friend.
|Would you be friends with this person?|