To the Grommitty, Feral, Disgusting Excuse for a Human Being/s That Robbed Our Car:
1. Stealing the portable DVD player and cheapo GPS make you more than stupid. There was a Pandora with a bunch of expensive charms, a very expensive pair of sunglasses, three car seats and a pair of $200 running shoes in the boot. They were all worth individually more than what you stole. Have fun getting high or drunk on that $50 you probably got from selling our stuff. In fact, $50 would be a generous estimate. I hope you enjoyed the West Coast Coolers, cask wine or VB our possessions bought you.
2. If you stole our things to keep them, enjoy watching Dora and The City of Lost Toys. It was in the DVD player. Also, it was heavily scratched. SUCKO!
3. That GPS is crap. It’s always taking us the wrong way. Hope you get lost, moron.
4. Thank you for alerting me to the fact that the car was not locked (those who didn’t lock the car shall remain nameless, except to say that I DON’T DRIVE so it wasn’t me). In future, I will be sure to make sure all the windows, doors and the car is locked. Also, I will no longer be trusting my neighbours enough to leave Precious on the front porch. All I can say is, you are bloody lucky you didn’t steal Precious. Hell hath no fury as a woman whose pram has been stolen.
5. Pulling the pram out of the boot and leaving all the car doors wide open was a HUGE clue that someone had been rifling through our car. As was the fact our stuff was gone. Oh, and by the way – you are the least of my problems. I’d been rudely awoken, poo’d, wee’d and vomited on before we even knew you had felt entitled to our stuff and taken off with it. If you did this to scare us, frighten us, or because we “deserved” it because we are obviously so rich as to even presume to have a dvd player for our children in our unlocked car – you are wrong on all counts. I actually cannot get over your stupidity in leaving those exxy sunnies.
6. I feel incredibly bad for you. Sorry for you. In fact, I pity you so much I can’t even get angry at you, or the person who left our car unlocked. If your life is so bad that you need to STEAL FROM CHILDREN then I’m not sure anything can help you. Like I said, enjoy watching the scratched Dora and the City of Lost Toys to take your mind of how bloody pathetic your life must be. Oh, and you forgot the remote – should I leave it on the front porch for you to take? Or would you like me to leave it in the car again tonight, seeing as you enjoy taking things out of it so much?
7. Maybe next time you feel like taking something that isn’t yours you should go down to the local pre-school and steal their skipping ropes? Or even the Day Care and steal the decorative streamers and ribbons tied to the poles? Because STEALING FROM CHILDREN obviously gets your rocks off.
8. I hope our siphoned fuel has left a really bad taste in your mouth. Because the idea that you touched my children’s space give me an awful taste in mine.
9. Get a life. Get a job. Find something else to do. Because you are not good at what you do now. And you are going to get caught one day. I hope your fellow prison inmates hear about how you stole Dora and The Lost City of Toys. From children.
10. Consider yourself lucky that you took those things AFTER we found out we do not need to do any length car trips with the children in the near future. Because if I had to be in the car with three bored and cranky toddlers for that long without the distraction of Dora and the City of Lost Toys, I would have been so mad I likely would have found you and castrated you myself.
Oh yeah, one more thing.
|With Jess at Diary of a SAHM. Click the button and it will take you there. Do. It. Now!|